I have a friend, we'll call her C.H. for privacy sake. Four weeks ago I had written a post called Two For The Price of One where I shared about not getting the little boy. That same day I also friended C.H. on Facebook. Through a series of events, that I can only describe as God's perfect timing, C.H. was in a place where she had internet access and could get on to Facebook. The following Monday we chatted for a while and she told me about reading my blog and how she felt lead to talk to me about a woman she knew. She told me it weighed so heavily on heart that she had trouble sleeping. She wanted to be able to talk to both me and the birthmother.
Of course I was all for it. That night she told me that C.H. called me and told me that she spoke with the birthmother who was 35 weeks pregnant. The reasons for her wanting to give up her child are far to personal for me to broadcast so I am not going to go into them here. In fact, I will say that I have a lot of respect for her. She could have easily gotten rid of it, but instead chose to carry the baby. Birthmother wasn't sure what she was going to do once she had him (yes, its a boy), she just knew that she was not in a place to keep him. C.H. told her about us, and she was receptive to hearing. She told C.H. that she would keep that in mind as she made her decision.
Weeks went by and we didn't hear anything. At that point I'd all but written it off, or at least tried to. It continued weighing on my heart, but I wasn't really sure what to do about it or how to respond to it. I didn't want to put C.H. in an awkward place, and not knowing the mother I could not walk up to her front door step and beg her to consider us. I just wasn't sure what to do. Well, in the past week, C.H. began to hear snippets of what was going on at home from one of birthmom's children. The plan was still to give the baby up for adoption. Finally the news came that the sweet baby boy was born this past Thursday.
Through a series of events, C.H. felt lead to reach out to the family again. This time she spoke with the grandmother, who all but raises the children. Through that conversation, it was made very clear that birthmother would not be in a place to bring the baby home. Again, C.H. shared information about us with the grandmother. She explained that we had all of our paperwork in line to adopt, and that we were just waiting for a child. The grandmother asked for me to send her our information so that she could give it to birthmom. The impression I got from the replay of the conversation is that the grandmother was in favor of us, or at least that we might be a good possibility. The idea being that giving the baby to someone who is known would be better than abandoning it at the hospital or turning it over to CPS care. Grandmother also asked C.H. to visit her in the hospital because birth mom could use extra support. So it was decided that she would go, and take our homestudy with her.
This was another incredibly surreal moment for me. I got our papers together, and as I was thinking it C.H. was saying might be nice to write her a letter. What do you write to a woman who may consider giving you her child? Hi my name is Chrystal. Can I have your baby? NO!?! As I wrote my simple note, my heart ached for her. This is no small decision...giving up your baby. It takes a lot of courage.
At that moment I looked back and remembered how God had strategically placed each piece of this puzzle together. There is no doubt in my mind that his hand was at work...none. Then it hit me...what I've been waiting for (for what seems like my whole life) might actually happen. As far as we know we are the only actual family they know about, other than CPS, and her plan was to give the baby up for adoption. I just felt so overwhelmed emotionally and spiritually by what was unfolding before me. I felt an urgency to find people who would intercede on our behalf so I posted on Facebook asking for our friends to be praying for us. I was absolutely blown away by the response. Sometimes when your in the middle of a situation, it easy to feel isolated or forgotten. The amount of comfort and peace I felt was incredible, and I am so thankful for each and everyone of you.
That evening C.H. went to the hospital to visit birthmom ad the baby. She told C.H. that she was not sure what she was going to do. She went into the hospital saying she was going to give the baby up, and now she was really struggling with that decision. She has nothing at home for him, the only close he wore were the hospital gown and diapers. C.H. left our paperwork with her and told her that she would be praying for her as she made her decision. When I heard this my heart broke again, I can only imagine...even if was the plan all along...how hard it would be to give your baby to a perfect stranger. If she chooses to go through with the adoption, I can only begin to fathom the amount of grief she will feel, and it makes me so sad for her. For this reason, I am asking you to join my family in praying for her, asking God to give her strength, courage, and comfort.
And that is where we stand today...
I wish I could describe the way I am feeling right now, but my words seem to fail me. There is a part of me, in my heart of hearts, that believes this baby is meant for us. If I wasn't afraid of the pain of disappointment I would believe whole heartedly. But there is a part of me that is scared and questioning. What does all of that stuff mean, if she doesn't choose us? Why would God lead this far, only to take a U-turn in the opposite direction? I want this so badly, and it is almost within reach. How do I pray bold prayers of faith? The only thing that I can pray right now is that God will help me to have the faith I need to walk in the road he has laid out for me. So with all my heart I ask that you would surround us, my family and the birthmothers family, as we walk this road.
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