The Difference A Day Can Make

If you would have told me a week ago that I would be sitting here writing this post while my sweet baby naps in his room I would not have believed you.  This has been one heck of a whirl wind.  Let me tell you how it all started...

This past Tuesday we went down to Round Rock to take a restraint training class at our agency.  At that point October had been the last time we had gotten a call about a possible placement, and that feeling of utter hopelessness was sinking in.  After our training we talked to our case manager.  She told us things were moving exceptionally slow lately, and they weren't sure exactly why.  CPS just did not have that many broadcasts going out.

When we left the office, I felt completely, not just utterly but completely and utterly, hopeless.  I knew it was going to happen eventually...one day...maybe.  Just like a thirsty man knows if he keeps walking in the desert eventually...one day...maybe he will come across some water.  We had a late lunch and then drove back home in silence.  If I only had known what was to come...

Just as we pulled into the driveway our agency called.  They had just been contacted about a seven month old baby boy needing a legal risk placement.  By legal risk they are saying that terminating parent rights is the goal which would free them for adoption.  However when accepting a legal risk placement you can't forget the second word...risk.  There is always a risk associated with it.  Some long lost relative could surface, and they would take precedence over you.  So here are the facts we knew:
        1.  It was a boy.
        2. He is 7 months.
        3.  He has two older siblings that are being adopted by other relatives.
        4.  He had issues with weak neck muscles and flatness in the head, both of which could be                                               addressed with physical therapy.
        5.  We knew termination was the goal.
With those few facts in hand we decided to submit our home study.  That evening we found out that they were wanting to make a decision very soon...as in the next morning.

Remember that was all in the same day.  The next day I went to work and kept a diligent eye on my phone, and tried to stay focused.  Finally, around 5 our case manager contacted us...we had bee selected!  I had always wondered what it would be like to hear those words.  Let me tell you...it was magical!  Not only were we selected, but they were wanting him to be placed that Friday.  CPS also wanted to us to get him a Dr.'s appointment that afternoon to have his head and neck checked out.

Thursday was pretty much a blur.  We were running around crazy trying to get everything ready.  We were filled with excitement and fear, mostly fear.  It is amazing how in one day your entire life can change.  Thursday evening I laid in bed and cried: What was I thinking?  I have no business being a mother.  What if he didn't like me or CPS didn't like us?  What if...what if....what if...

Friday finally rolled around.  Our Gotcha Day had finally come.  Waiting for CPS to arrive was like waiting for your first date to get there or for your cue to head down the isle.  When they called to tell us they were on their way my heart skipped three or four beats.  Any minute they were going to walk through the door and hand me a child...just like that.  And that is pretty much how it happened.

They showed up with the most adorable baby I have ever seen.  He was absolutely perfect.  LLT came right to me.  He cried a little bit, but was easily calmed.  Nothing from that moment in time felt real.  It hardly feels real now.

Now remember how I explained what Legal Risk meant.  Well here is where it comes into play for us.  Much, much to our surprise CPS mentioned an cousin who birth mom said they could look into as a possibility.  So now CPS is researching to see if this cousin would be a good fit for the baby.  If so...we would loose him because we have no legal standing over relatives.  We, along with our caseworker, were in complete shock.  I don't know how likely it is that this cousin will work out.  I don't know what  will happen if mom terminates before we find out.  I don't know if they will let him stay with us if mom feels is ok with it.  There is so much that I don't know...and that scares me.

Now I don't fully understand how this whole process works, but there are some things that I do know.  We are completely falling for this sweet boy, and want nothing more than to make him our own.  I also know that God is bigger than any problem we face.  So I am praying with all my hear that our baby will be able to remain with us, and I ask you to do the same.  Until then, I'm going to love him with everything I've got.

And that, my friends, is the end.

I'm sure I have a ton of grammatical errors, but rather than go back and proof read I'm going to take a quick nap before he wakes up.  I love you guys so much, and thank you for all of your previous and continued support.  You are such a beautiful blessing.