Keeping the Faith

Last week we put a call in to our social worker to get a status update on Baby Boy.  His social worker finally got back in touch with us Tuesday.  It turns out that they are working with the mother towards reunification.  So as with Little Girl, the process has not even been started, and in his case, probably never will.  I felt devastated at the news because once again we found ourselves waiting, holding out for that six week mark, only to find the process had never begun.  

I know that if reunification is possible, and if mom has her stuff together, it is what's best for Little Boy.  Shawn and I are both happy for him, and wish his family the best of luck.  So where does that leave us?  All the way back at square one...no where.

Ok...not no where.  At that moment in time, before I knew what I know now, it felt very much like no where.  It felt lost, empty, and hopeless.  Little did I know that two days later we would get another call about a three-year-old boy.  This broadcast had a picture attached to it, and let me tell you he is a cutie pie.  This is another one of those 4-6 week situations, where we wait and hope things are moving forward.  

Man...there is such a HUGE mixture of emotions whirling around inside of me...excitement, anguish, hope, fear, doubt, frustration, anticipation, peace...at any given second I can experience one or all of these.  Sometimes I feel like my heart is going to burst wide open.  In those tumultuous moments God steps in.  He tries to bring comfort into our lives when we are hurting, those small reminders to keep pushing us forward.  The day after we found out about Baby Boy I was driving to bootcamp when the song The Climb came on.  Now I'm no Miley Cyrus fan, but the song had me in tears by the time I got there.  Then during the work out, at least two or three songs came on that had the same message...keep moving, push through the struggle, have faith.  I'm thankful for those small moments that encouragement and hope, and help me keep the faith.