Today we got rather disheartening news. As of Wednesday we had been waiting six weeks since we submitted our home study for Little Girl. All this waiting was supposed to culminate in finding answers, but it didn't. I feel numb, sad, angry, frustrated...but mostly numb.
Earlier this week we emailed our caseworker to see if she could find out more information on where we were in the process. Today we got the answer...nowhere. Apparently Little Girl is struggling with some emotional issues so they have decided to hold off on finding a placement. Once they feel she is doing better they will proceed. So I asked our caseworker if that meant they hadn't even looked at the home studies they collected. Her answer...Yes.
All of this waiting was supposed to be taking us somewhere. There was supposed to be an end in sight. But there isn't...once they feel she is ready (if they ever do) they will begin the six to eight week process of finding her a forever home.
When I heard this news I felt like I was caught in a tail spin. I kept telling myself that I could make it to the six week mark everything would be ok. Every day we were getting closer and closer. Just hang in there. Now I'm on an indefinite path that may not lead any where. Now please do not confuse what I am saying. I want them to do right by Little Girl and make the best placement decision for her. I can understand why they are waiting, but that doesn't make it any easier.
I feel like I'm back at the starting gate again....and all I feel is numb.
God, whatever's in front of me, help me to say hallelujah.
I'm sorry to hear that Chrystal. I know you've been looking forward to this only to have it fall out. If it were me I would take this and say "Ok, from now on I'm no longer looking forward with anticipation to a date." I would avoid clinging onto the date they give, there are alot of answers that will disappoint but only one that won't. Just stride through, day by day, not counting the date they give, not worrying about if or when, just knowing the time will come when He says so.
ReplyDeleteI feel that they would better be able to server Little Girl if they found her a forever home. Her emotional state may still be troubled, but keeping her in limbo only makes her emotional state worse than it is. She could be in a loving home that may possibly help her more than any therapy can.
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